Tourniquet
by Ruby-servantof-eli
Summary: Warnings! - Graphic self harm slash
1. I Care

**Title:** Tourniquet

**Fandom:** Without a Trace

**Pairing:** Danny/Martin

**Rating:** NC-17

**Author:** rubyservantofeli/ rubysarksgirl/ illyriamistressofpain

**Disclaimer:** I do not own these characters or the show on which they appear (i.e. – Without a Trace) so please do not sue me as I am merely borrowing them to rattle them up slightly then they will be returned :P

**Spoilers:** Anything is up for spoiling up till season 3, as I haven't seen that yet! Going to set it after AYNOHEB but going to use some creative licence with events and the incidents surrounding them.

**A/N:** So my first D/M plot bunny just hit me, and as usual it's not a particularly happy one :D. So a few warnings before we get to the fic this fiction involves themes and possibly graphic description of self harm, If you don't find this to your taste then please don't read and complain to me. Mostly Martin's POV but I hope to swap between him and Danny when necessary (_Italics thoughts_)

**WARNINGS**: As I said earlier this fic will involve graphic self harm (in the form of cutting) right from the start and if this is not for you then please go back now. Also there will be a little D/M action but nothing graphic as that skill still escapes me :D

_Tourniquet: bandage, surgical instrument to constrict artery and stop bleeding._

Martin let a sigh of relief leave his lips as he pushed the razor blade further into his skin allowing the pain and toil of the past few days to escape his being. Sat on the floor of his bathroom with his left forearm pressed between his thigh and the blade he watched in fascination as the red droplets pooled on the tiles below. The pain he still felt from the fight with his father and the accusations spouted by Danny flowed from him, the betrayal of still being thought of as an outsider by the team and the reprimand lying in his file all just vanished from his thoughts as the pool grew. All the seminars he'd attended had been right, you need a way to cope, to let the bad cases go…this probably wasn't what all the instructors had in mind but it worked for him.

Martin had discovered this method of release when he was working on white collar crimes, a simple bust had gone wrong when a guy pulled a gun getting one of his co-workers shot, he'd been drilled for hours by his boss, then the icy glares of his team mates had done little to lighten his mood and to top it off he'd gotten a call from his father telling him in exactly what ways he was a screw up. By that point he'd snapped, grabbing a kitchen knife he'd decided to end everything but when he came to open up his wrists he'd faltered and the shallower cuts he'd inflicted due to nerves had helped Martin find some sort of peace, as if the draining of his blood had helped lower the voices whispering about his failure to a dull buzz.

Carefully removing the blade he pressed down hard on the cut with a towel he kept especially for this, he didn't want to kill himself after all. Martin let his head fall back onto the cupboard behind him with a dull thump as he waited for the bleeding to slow. Satisfied he proceeded with his ritual of cleaning his arm before wrapping a bandage over the fresh slice and the old scars. Wrapping the blade in the old towel he shoved it in the back of the cupboard behind some old cleaning supplies and mopped up the blood on the floor.

Martin stood slowly so as not to make himself dizzy and headed to his answering machine where the red light was blinking telling him he had 3 messages. Pressing the play button he was able to listen to his father raving without the dull ache in his chest becoming unbearable.

Martin glanced up from his computer as Danny rushed in half an hour late looking decidedly flushed. _It looks good on him_ he thought vaguely then quickly scolded himself and went back to his typing.

Danny slammed his things down on his desk and proceeded to remove his coat rather violently and throw it into his chair.

"Are you ok?" Martin asked curiously. Danny whirled on him his eyes burning.

"Ok? OK!" he asked rather hysterically. Martin swallowed.

"My entire apartment is filled with water! A broken water pipe in the upstairs apartment and the docile women doesn't realise that when she turns on her tap and nothing's coming out, that the water has to be going somewhere so it's coming through my ceiling which I technically no longer have as it caved due to the water damage so my entire apartment is now filled with ceiling parts and water!" he vented. Martin watched as he rubbed his hands over his face and visibly took a few deep breaths to calm down.

"My god" said Sam concern written all over her face.

"What are you going to do?" she asked. This seemed to deflate Danny even further.

"I don't know…I don't know! What can I do? Practically the entire contents of my apartment is ruined, I don't think my insurance covers this crap and where the hell am I going to sleep!" he exploded.

Martin chewed on his bottom lip as he looked on the very upset and very nicely mussed version of his friend. He opened his mouth before shutting it again. _Don't be stupid Martin, he's hardly going to say yes if you ask, your not friends, your barely acquaintances. _Firmly telling himself to shut up he cleared his throat.

"Well I have….I mean you can…If you want to" Martin babbled causing Danny to raise an eyebrow at him. _Nice eyebrows of course. Very straight…like Danny_

"Are you saying I could stay with you?" Danny asked and got a nod in return.

"You sure man?" Danny questioned.

"Yeah, I mean it's not like you'd be imposing or anything and my apartment is big enough" Martin assured. A huge grin broke across Danny's face and before he knew it he was draped in a very relieved, very nice smelling person.

"You are a lifesaver, remind me to buy you lunch" came a muffled voice from around his shoulder.

"If you two are done, we have a case" came Jack's amused voice as he moved to the white board and put up a picture of their victim. Disappointment flooded Martin as the warm, nice smelling pressure moved off him, it was soon pushed far back into his mind when Danny offered him a real smile and a whispered thank you before heading to the conference table.

It was amazing how much one man could change Martin's life so quickly. _It's the simple things really._ He mused as watched the images of some programme flicker across the screen, causing the apartment to glow with an ethereal quality.

Simple things like doing double loads of laundry, buying pancake mix because it's all Danny will eat for breakfast, arguing over the remote because they both want to watch different things and even smaller things, like just getting used to another presence in his home and the deafening silence that occurred when it wasn't there. _You've got it bad Martin, as if your life wasn't complicated enough already._ He thought with a sigh.

"Ooo someone's deep in thought" came an amused voice from above him. Tilting his head up Martin found himself looking at an upside down version of Danny.

"Hey, how was your meeting?" asked Martin, rapidly blinking his eyes in an effort to focus. Danny sat down next to him with a sigh of his own.

"Same old, same old. One person falling back into old habits because his wife left him and a new member that's about it" he replied. Martin gave a small grunt of acknowledgement. Finding out that Danny had been an alcoholic gave him some small measure of hope; of course he always felt guilty about it and tried to push it as far back into his subconscious as it would go. _Still if Danny's got problems maybe he won't see me as such a screw up. _Martin thought miserably.

"Earth to Martin, Hello?" Martin blinked as Danny waved a hand in front of his face. With a small noise of irritation Martin swatted it away.

"Hey, are you ok?" asked Danny, concern etched in his features. Martin gave him a small smile.

"I'm fine, just tired, I think I'll call it a night" he replied as he stood from the couch, shoving the remote towards Danny. He paused and turned in the doorway as Danny called out to him.

"Martin, if you need to talk I'm here," he said. Martin graced him with a smile

"Thanks Danny" he whispered as he headed to his room.

Drip…drip…drip

Martin stood braced against the sink in his bathroom watching his blood slip down the drain. It was all too much, despair was threatening to crush him, he felt like he was struggling to keep his head above water. Despite his efforts images crashed through his being, Zamir as he fell to the ground as a sniper pulled the trigger. A young girl, huddled in a corner with an ear missing, her eyes wide and frightened. The body of Reyes because he pulled the trigger after loosing his temper. The accusation and betrayal in Jack's eyes as he confessed what happened.

Martin pushed harder letting a hiss escape his lips and the cool metal dug further into his skin, forcing himself to ease off, he let the blood run free. A bang on the door made him jump shoving the blade much deeper than intended, Martin quickly slapped his hand over the cut but blood continued to seep from under his fingers and over his hand.

"Yeah?" he called out slightly panicked, hoping Danny wouldn't pick up on it.

"Martin, the foods ready" came Danny's muffled voice.

"I'll be right there!" he yelled back as he wrapped a towel around his arm, desperately trying to staunch the flow of blood. Realizing he had little time he quickly turned on the tap and rinsed his arm before placing a wad of gauze over the cut and wrapped his arm up tightly, praying that it would seal the cut. Making sure the blood was all cleaned up he wrapped the blade up and shoved it quickly in its place and ripped the bandages off his other arm to check the other cuts. Satisfied they were healing well he re-wrapped his arm and hastily pulled his baggy jumper over his head and washed his hands. Taking one last glance around he took a deep breath and opened the door just as Danny was about to knock again.

"Hey are you ok? You look a little pale," asked Danny. Martin grimaced internally.

"I'm fine, just a little under the weather is all. So! What wonderful Taylor speciality do I have to look forward to tonight?" he asked, desperately trying to change the subject. Danny didn't look entirely convinced but luckily didn't push the subject.

"I wondered why you were taking so long in the bathroom." He replied with a smirk

"It's chicken in a marinade with rice, come on" he urged as he grabbed Martin's arm and pulled him towards the kitchen not noticing his barely suppressed hiss of pain. Once Martin was seated a plate was placed in front of him and heaped with food.

"That should make you feel better," said Danny with a grin. Martin thanked him as he speared a piece of chicken with his fork and lifted it to his mouth, letting out a groan of satisfaction as the flavour finally hit him.

"This is so good" he murmured as he went for another piece, unaware of the effect he was having on Danny.

Danny swallowed hard as Martin let out another moan of satisfaction as the fork left his lips. He felt himself flushing as he quickly averted his eyes and busied himself with filling his own plate. He quietly cleared his throat.

"You like it then?" he asked hoping his voice didn't sound as strained to Martin as it did to his own ears. Crystal blue eyes focused on him and gave him a nod of agreement.

"Good" he replied. Danny quickly averted his eyes trying to get his raging hormones under control. The fact of the matter was he'd been attracted to Martin since he'd opened up to him a little more when they were in San Diego, but he had never given him any sort of clue his feelings were reciprocated or an opening in which he could confess. Polishing off his plate he reached across and took Martin's empty one and started to rinse them off in the sink. He heard movement behind him and Martin leaned on the counter next to him.

"You don't have to do that you know," stated Martin quietly. Danny grinned at him.

"I know, but think of it as paying my keep" he replied taking the empty glass out of Martins hand. A frown crossed his features as he noticed a dark stain on the sleeve of Martin's jumper.

"Did you spill something?" he asked as he was already touching the sleeve. Martin pulled out of his grasp quickly leaving Danny looking at the wet burgundy liquid that was staining his fingers. Bringing his fingers to his nose the metallic aroma of blood assaulted his senses. Reeling in shock he quickly followed Martin as he fled the kitchen. As Martin made a move to close the bathroom door Danny reached it just in time to swing an arm and a foot in the doorway keeping it open.

"Martin, what the hell is this?" Danny asked incredulously. Martin let out a soft sob.

"It's nothing, just leave me alone!" he replied. With a strength he didn't realise he possessed he pushed the bathroom door wide open and advanced on the miserable individual inside.

"Really? Because it doesn't look like nothing" he exclaimed anger seeping into his tone. He advanced towards Martin who kept walking backwards until he was backed up against the counter. Danny trapped him between his arms reaching down towards the offending limb trying to keep a hold on the struggling body.

"Danny stop, please" exclaimed a sobbing Martin. Ignoring him he grabbed the blood soaked limb, shoving the jumper out of the way to reveal the stained bandage wrapped around his forearm. Looking up into Martin's tear filled eyes only strengthened his resolve, finding the end of the bandage he quickly unwrapped it without incident, as Martin had suddenly gone deathly still, and exposed the wound. Danny quickly sucked in air at the mess in front of him.

"Martin what on earth?" he asked bewildered as he took in the multitude of scars and the fresh open cut. Martin, seeing his opening pulled his arm from his grasp and pushed past him, Danny reached out grasping his other arm, only to drop it again when he yelped in pain. He tugged at Martins hand so he was facing him and pushed up the sleeve on his other arm to reveal a similar bandage, concealing even more scaring and a few days old cut.

"Martin?" he asked gently pushing up his chin so they were eye to eye. The pain in the ice blue depths made him feel cold inside.

"What do you want me to say Danny?" he spat angrily, wriggling out of his grip and making for his bedroom.

"How about the truth" he shot back, making Martin stop dead in the hall.

"I just want to understand," he pleaded

"Why? Why would you do this to yourself?" he asked. Martin whirled on him, fire in his eyes.

"You have no idea what it's like to be me, to be a constant failure to hear this everyday from the people that are supposed to care about me. To close my eyes and see the mistakes I've made, the people I've hurt floating in front of me and I must be such an evil person for all this hurt to happen to me, but the worst thing is I've been doing this" he stated gesturing at his arms.

"For years and no-body cares and I thought that maybe if I kept doing it then all of it would be gone" ranted Martin, by the end he was screaming and shaking. Danny advanced towards him slowly, so as not to startle him.

"All of what would be gone Martin?" he asked gently.

"The thing that's inside of me that makes me such a terrible person! If I could just cut it out, bleed it out, and make all of it go away then I'd just be left with me and maybe…maybe somebody would care," he sobbed hysterically, falling to his knees. Danny felt his eyes welling up in response. Kneeling next to him, he slowly reached out cupping his face.

"I care," he whispered, causing Martin to look at him.

"I care," he whispered again as he slowly brushed tears from his cheeks.

"I care," he repeated as he brought his forehead to his. Watching as Martin closed his eyes as if hearing it pained him.

"I care," he whispered one last time before he brought Martin's lips to his.


	2. Empty

**Title:** Tourniquet

**Fandom:** Without a Trace

**Pairing:** Danny/Martin

**Rating:** NC-17

**Author:** rubyservantofeli/ rubysarksgirl/ illyriamistressofpain

**WARNINGS**: This fic involves graphic self harm (in the form of cutting) right from the start and if this is not for you then please go back now.

**A/N:** Mr Pink-Whistle was one of my favourite books when I was little, and still is, however it belongs to Enid Blyton and not me. Some nice fluff in this chapter (because I'm not entirely evil) a little sex, but it will get worse by the end…

**Disclaimer: **These characters don't belong to me I am merely borrowing them.

Danny sat perched on the edge of Martin's bed, watching said person sleep. After his breakdown earlier and Danny's confession, Martin's body had protested loudly at its mistreatment and the need for sleep was overbearing. So Danny had cleaned up his arm once again and put him to bed without a word from Martin. So now with little to do he sat watching Fitzgerald sleep, his fingers lightly trekking up the exposed arm. He let out a soft sigh as he let his fingers gently brush the face that only an hour ago had been twisted in anger and covered in tears. _What am I going to do?_ He thought miserably. One thing was for sure he couldn't let Martin go on doing this to himself; he needed some kind of help. _Maybe he just needs somebody to talk to, an emotional outlet. _He mused, stilling when Martin shifted and murmured in his sleep. One thing was for sure; this wasn't going to be easy.

Martin opened his eyes; letting out a soft groan as he rubbed a hand across the red-rimmed lids, he rolled over to face a cross-legged Danny on the floor with his nose in a book. Martin blinked, but the image remained. He must have made a sound because suddenly chocolate brown eyes were staring straight at him, relief evident.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" asked Danny quietly, as he uncrossed his legs and moved to the edge of the bed, resting his arms on the edge and his chin on top of them.

"Like a really big truck hit me," he replied, his voice slightly scratchy. Danny grinned at him.

"What are you reading?" asked Martin as he shifted to an upright position, wincing slightly when he put pressure on his arm. If Danny noticed he made no indication.

"The Adventures of Mr Pink-Whistle" at Martins blank look he elaborated.

"My mom used to read it to me when I got sick when I was little, it's about this half human, half brownie who has magical powers and he travels around helping kind hearted people and makes it look like there wishes have been granted. No matter how bad I was feeling, it always made me smile" he explained. Martin swallowed his eyes glistening as he gazed into Danny's warm brown ones. As if knowing what Martin needed, he manoeuvred himself next to him on the bed and put an arm around his shoulders, pulling him in close.

"Will you read some to me?" asked Martin quietly, as he lay his head down on Danny's shoulder and slid an arm across his midsection, craving the contact. Danny rubbed a hand down his bandaged arm, with the gentlest of touches.

"Of course" he replied and picked up the book.

"Chapter one. The little secret man" he began. Martin, if possible, snuggled closer letting Danny's soft voice drift over him, lulling him once more into sleep.

Martin woke once again to Danny's fingers gently stroking through his hair. With a small sigh he shifted closer.

"You awake?" asked Danny. He gave a small grunt of agreement.

"Good, we really do need to talk" he replied. Martin hated the way he automatically stiffened. Quickly he pulled away and sat up with his back to Danny.

"It's ok you don't have to say anything" stated Martin quietly.

"I understand, you have problems of your own and I'm not exactly stable so I realize that you want nothing to do with me, besides your apartment is almost fixed so there's no real reason for you to stay here anymore. I know things were said in the heat of the moment and…" Firm hands grasping his face and soft lips being planted solidly on his cut off Martin's tirade. Surprised, it took him a few seconds to relax before he felt a tongue, gently sliding across his lips as if begging for entrance. With a gasp he closed his eyes and granted Danny access as he let his hands wander up to grasp his shoulders. It was over too soon, Danny pulling back to place a few quick pecks on his lips before pulling back completely.

"I want you to listen very carefully to what I'm about to say," said Danny huskily. Martin swallowed and gave a brief nod of his head.

"I lo…care for you and I'm not going anywhere," he informed him. Martin's lips once again crashed into his pushing him backwards onto the bed.

"Thank you," he whispered in a nearby ear.

Danny lay panting, savouring the release that was thrumming through his veins, he was trying desperately to get his thudding heart and breathing under control. If the gasps next to him were any indication Martin was having the same problem.

"So…" croaked Martin, causing Danny to look at him.

"You wanted to talk?" he asked as he slung a bare leg over Danny's hip to nestle in between his.

"Yeah, Martin, I can understand why you feel the need to do this to yourself…" he paused so as to place a kiss to his forehead.

"But, I never want to have your blood on my hands again" he explained. Martin took the hand that was stroking down his back and placed a kiss in the palm.

"I'm sorry" he replied. Looking up into Danny's pain and fear filled eyes.

"I'm here to listen, when things get too much, but maybe I'm not enough…maybe you should see a professional, somebody who has a better unders…Martin" he started as Martin got up and moved away from him shaking his head.

"No I don't need a shrink," he replied shakily as he quickly pulled on a pair of boxers. Danny let out an exasperated sigh as he got up and went to Martin who was rifling through a draw in the desperate attempt for a jumper, his hands shaking. Sliding his arms around him, he stilled Martins movements and kissed the bit of skin that was closest to him.

"I never said you needed one, It's just that maybe, it might be beneficial? Please?" murmured Danny as he let his knuckles rub across Martin's stomach.

"You want me to stop don't you" asked Martin quietly. Danny stilled his movements.

"Yeah Martin, I do, but this isn't about what I want. This is about you" he replied.

"I don't know if I can but I'll try…and maybe I'll talk to someone, just let me think about it ok?" he asked.

"Whatever you want," responded Danny. Martin turned in his arms, hungrily devouring his mouth as Danny backed him into the chest of drawers behind him.

"Think were going to make it to the bed?" asked Martin in between kisses.

"Doubtful" gasped Danny, as they got lost in each other once again.

Fuck

That was the only thing that was racing through Martin's head as he quickly exited the office heading for the elevators.

"Martin!" yelled Danny's amused voice from behind him, followed by quick footsteps. He resolutely continued pressing the elevator button wishing for it to appear faster and help him escape. A firm hand on his shoulder spun him around to face laughing eyes.

"Martin, they were just kidding around," explained Danny, amusement evident in his voice. Martin tightened his jaw.

"Yeah, well it's not funny" he replied angrily. Danny and Martin had shown up at work that morning, both of them unaware of the looks they were sending at each other and the "glow" that was surrounding them. Jack had grinned and said it was about time, Viv had threatened to hurt them if they hurt each other and Sam had jokingly asked for no PDA's and Martin had took off.

The elevator doors opened behind him and he shook free from Danny's grasp and pressed the button for the ground floor.

"Hey, what's going on here?" murmured Danny as he followed him into the lift, the doors closing behind him. Martin let out a sigh of frustration.

"Don't you get it? If it's so obvious to everyone then other people in the office will start to click on and that means it'll get back to my father. If he finds out, then that's it Danny!" he explained. Martin watched as Danny frowned his eyes saddening.

"Are you ashamed of me?" asked Danny quietly. Shock rendered Martin momentarily speechless. Taking a deep breath he frantically reached forward and wrapped his arms around Danny's midsection and buried his face in his neck.

"God no, I could never be ashamed of you" he explained pulling back and cupping his face gently.

"I don't want to loose you and if he finds out I'll be transferred out of the department and moved out of the city so fast my feet won't touch the ground. And you…you'll, god I don't know, I just can't let anything happen to you…Your all I've got" he whispered emotionally touching his forehead to Danny's. Danny's grin was infectious and Martin felt his spirits lifting.

"Jack would fight like a wild cat to keep us here, you know he would. But I agree on keeping it quiet just to save us some grief, but if it came down to it Martin I…" he was cut off by the elevator doors opening and the security guard giving them a strange look as they were practically burrowing into each other. Quickly breaking apart Martin stepped out in to the hall.

"I'll go get coffee for everyone…as an apology" he said with a roll of his eyes. Danny grinned at him before pressing the button for the missing persons floor.

"Make sure mine has the caramel flavour in it" yelled Danny as the doors closed. Martin grinned and waved at the security guard before heading onto the street in the search for caffeine.

Martin sat in the men's bathroom at the FBI headquarters, desperately trying to stop himself for shivering. An icy cold feeling had taken over his insides from the moment he heard Danny was being held hostage by their missing person, Kevin Grant a soldier who had been sent back from Iraq due to a bullet wound, who had accidentally killed a person in a hold up at a bank earlier that day.

Jack had taken him to the scene where they stood outside feeling useless while there was a desperate man waving a gun around close to his lover's head. He had felt like he was in a dream, nothing was making sense. He saw their missing person step out of the house waving a gun, he could hear his girlfriend screaming and Danny's yell then he watched in horror, as he was ripped apart as the back up team opened fire on what they perceived as a threat.

Once he'd hit the ground the team moved in, removing a hysterical women from a shell shocked Danny's arms. Martin wanted to do nothing but hold him, to be the strong one for once, even if he knew it was a lie…just to pretend. But Jack had whisked him away, getting him checked over by the paramedics then back to the office to write up his report. Martin had followed only to succumb to the nausea that had been threatening from the beginning of the whole ordeal.

Now he was curled up in a stall in the men's room after depositing his stomach contents into the porcelain bowl in front of him. He gripped his arm tightly; feeling the familiar tingle that was working it's way up and down his arm, urging him to let go. _NO!_ He told himself firmly. He promised Danny, he'd even gone to see a shrink telling him things he would never imagine telling anybody else. He remembered just a few days ago Charlie (his shrink) had told him that if he ever needed to talk not to be afraid to go over there and see him.

Resolutely, Martin stood; he washed out his mouth and his hands before heading out of the door, fully intent on going to see Charlie before he did something he regretted. Only to walk straight into Jack, he quickly took a step back.

"There you are, I've been looking everywhere for you" said Jack as he took Martin's arm leading him over to their work area.

"Take him home Martin, look after him" he ordered, leaving Martin looking at Danny who was desperately trying not to fall apart in the middle of the office. He'd never seen him look so lost. He hurried over and took Danny's arm in a reassuring grasp and led him towards the exit.

"Come on partner, lets get you home" said Martin softly. Danny didn't reply.

Danny was like a zombie; he was silent and practically motionless all the way home. As soon as they got through the apartment door he pushed him gently towards the bedroom where he quickly stripped him and laid him on the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. Everything else could wait.

"Get some sleep" he whispered as he brushed a kiss over his forehead and made to leave but strong hands grasped his arm, grounding Martin.

"The gun was empty," said Danny so quietly that Martin had to lean forward to hear what he was saying.

"What?" he asked gently trying to get him to elaborate.

"The gun…he took the bullets out of the gun," repeated Danny. Martin briefly squeezed his eyes shut. Making a snap decision, he lay down next to Danny and started stroking fingers through his hair like he had once done to him. He continued the rhythmic motion as the tears started, the sobs wrenching at his soul.

"It's ok, you did everything you could. I know you did" he reassured giving him a brief kiss.

"Stay?" asked Danny, vulnerability in his voice Martin had never heard before. He just curled closer letting Danny wrap himself around him.

"Forever" he replied to the already sleeping man.

Martin woke quickly bolting upright a scream lodged in his throat. He scrambled quickly from the bed making it to the bathroom before he once again emptied his stomach. With his head hovering over the bowl he could feel the sweat running down his back making his t-shirt stick, his loud gasping echoing in the silent room. When he felt more stable he stood up, quickly sticking his head around the bedroom door to check that Danny was still sleeping.

Quietly shutting the door, Martin vigorously brushed his teeth then with a small sob stepped into a warm shower. Closing his eyes he let the water pound down on him, hoping to push the image of Kevin being ripped apart from the engraved status it was in his brain. Of course in his nightmare he was the one doing the shooting and Kevin morphed into Danny.

The tingling in his arm was getting worse. Charlie had told him that it was all in his head that it was a sub-conscious urge to repeat an action that he knew would make him feel better. It didn't help him knowing that. Rinsing the shampoo from his hair he quickly towelled dry and padded through the dim bedroom for extra clothes before sliding back in next to Danny's warmth. He murmured something in his sleep and slid closer. Martin blinked the excess moisture from his eyes and snuggled nearer he doubted he'd get more sleep and lay listening to the sound of Danny's rhythmic breathing.

Danny woke quickly at Martin's first scream. He was tossing violently, his skin gleaning with sweat as his fists clenched the bed covers under his hands.

"Martin!" yelled Danny as he shook his shoulders, desperately trying to pull him from the superficial terror his mind saw. Tears streamed down his face and his damp hair stuck to his forehead and he gibbered inarticulacy.

"Wake up" he tried again, pinning him to the bed in the vain attempt to stop him from harming himself with his thrashing. Suddenly Martin's eyes shot open, unaware of his surroundings he shoved Danny off him and scrambled out of the bed only to land on him as unsteady legs refused to hold him.

Danny let out a small "oof" as Martin's mass compressed him. As he felt him trying to move he grabbed on and whispered soothing words of comfort to the distraught body above him.

"Martin, Martin, it's ok it's me, your ok" he comforted. The struggling stopped almost instantly.

"Danny?" questioned Martin quietly.

"Yeah it's me, it's ok" he replied, placing a kiss in the damp hair. He felt Martin trembling seconds before the laughter hit him. Martin rolled off him and lay on the floor next to him gasping for breath.

"Martin? You ok?" he asked slightly worried by the unusual reaction. The laughter died down and before Danny could ask he was draped once again in a very desperate, very driven person.

A tongue was forced into his mouth and as soon as he got over the shock he reciprocated the desperate lip lock. Martin was saying something in between kisses down his chest and Danny struggled to hear what was being said. Straining to hear he pulled Martin up to his level and kissed him soundly.

"What are you saying bebé?" he asked. Planting gentle kisses on each cheek then both eyelids before the end of his nose and ending on his lips.

"I said, I'm glad you're not dead," repeated Martin shakily. Danny's brow furrowed, obviously confused but four little words pushed it to the back of his mind as he kissed Martin senseless.

"I love you too" he replied before surrendering himself completely to him.

Danny left work by himself for once. Martin said there was something he had to do and he would meet him at home. Home, it was strange but Danny thought of Martin's place more as home than his apartment ever was. He greeted the doorman as he let himself in heading up to Martin's floor.

He pulled out his keys and let himself into the apartment, putting his keys on the hall table he pressed play on the answering machine as the light was blinking to try and catch his attention.

There was two messages one from his brother asking him to come away with them for the weekend, Danny smiled as he picked up the phone to tell him he'd see him in the morning, maybe things were getting back on track between them. He still felt angry over the things that had happened when they were kids, especially the fact his brother had been a junkie but maybe they would be able to put the past in the past.

The second message was from Martin's uncle Rodger asking him to call him as soon as possible. Worry settled in the pit of his stomach but he pushed it aside, it was probably nothing he was probably just inviting Martin back for dinner like he had last week.

Shaking off the unease he wandered into the kitchen, intent on making something for dinner for the both of them. He settled on stir-fry and as he was chopping the vegetables he heard the front door close and open.

"I'm back!" yelled Martin from the hall.

"In here" replied Danny. He heard Martin approach him and felt arms slide around his waist and a chin rest on his shoulder.

"I have a present for you" whispered Martin into a nearby ear as then proceeded to nibble on it. Danny let out a groan.

"Yeah?" he asked huskily. The warm body left him and he quickly wiped his hands before turning around to face a grinning Martin. He swallowed nervously.

"Put your hands out and close your eyes" ordered Martin, he did as instructed.

"I love it when you get all bossy" joked Danny. A flat, thin package was placed in his hands and he frowned.

"Ok open your eyes" he opened them to stare down at book in his hands. A smile spread across his face as he gazed down at the picture on the front of Mr Pink – Whistle Interferes.

"Martin…this is…" swallowed Danny as he pulled Martin to him. There was a laugh from his left shoulder.

"I was hoping you'd like it as it took me nearly all day to find it," explained Martin. Danny grinned goofily at him before giving him a quick kiss.

"That reminds me, your Uncle Rodger phoned, he wanted you to phone back ASAP. And I'm going away with Raffi for the weekend, you don't mind do you?" he asked. Martin just leaned in brushing his lips with Danny's

"Of course I don't mind and I'll phone him in the morning" he replied as he took Danny's hand and led him towards the bedroom.

"How about you show me how happy you are for that gift" teased Martin his eyes twinkling. The resonating thud of the bedroom door was his only response.

**A/N:** Ok one more chapter after this and I'm done!


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